


Newsies? In quarantine? More disasterous than you'd think

by Neko_Kaiyo



Category: Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: John Mulaney References, Kinda, Let Crutchie Say Fuck, Lots of Vine References, Multi, albert has a moon spirit girlfriend and they are purest ship, also a disney sing off, based off of my experience in quarantine so far, but - Freeform, but he also baby, cripes how do you tag, davey is mother of the newsies, fight me, he got one brain cell cause he drinks paint water, i hope you'll still read, jack is good dad, just go with it, kath and sarah and crutchie have custody of all the brain cells, kath and sarah are like the cool aunts, long story, lots a shinnanigans, lots of tik tok references, newsies in quarantine, ngl hestia's the local cryptid, romeo is a dramatic lil shit, she's actually a dragon, sorry of you don't like ocs in stories, ummmm movie marathons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:01:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25002823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neko_Kaiyo/pseuds/Neko_Kaiyo
Summary: The title says it all.but ask yourself, Why have the Karens stolen the toilet paper? Can Davey's sanity survive? What is the more elaborate mask you can get away with? Can we survive the apocalypse with a hOrSe lOoSe iN a HoSpItAl?this is a literal crack-fic, read if you dare,
Relationships: Crutchie/Jack Kelly, Romeo/Specs (Newsies), Sarah Jacobs/Katherine Plumber Pulitzer, Spot Conlon/Racetrack Higgins
Comments: 9
Kudos: 30





	1. Shopping For The Apocalypse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we all went through it, shopping for quarantine and we're still unsure if the karens will stop stealing toilet paper

Shopping For The Apocalypse: Part One 

Now you may be wondering (even though you’re probably not cause the entire world is in quarantine) how do you successfully self-isolate?

#1. Shopping. Prepare to be home for a while and try to limit your shopping excursions to once a week or less.

“Moooooom, Race is pushing Romeo in the cart again!”

Davey sighed heavily, running a hand down his face as he saw the blond gambler running around with Romeo in the basket of the cart and- wait was that Elmer? Yup, that’s Elmer underneath the cart. 

How did this all start, one may ask. Well, long story short, Davey (aka mother) knew that without someone responsible around, the boys would be living off of Pop-Tarts, Doritos, Lunchables, and whatever sugary caffeinated nonsense they could get their hands on. Well, that or peanut butter sandwiches and whatever they could scrounge up from the pantry. And he wasn’t saying that he didn’t think that Jack wasn’t responsible, but let’s face it, it’s Jack for Pete's sake, the man drinks paint water without knowing it. He also used to think that maybe Hestia could be trusted but she had made Albert and Race’s dumbass duo into a trio.

So now, it was up to Davey and Crutchie to get them through this trip with the necessities and their sanities intact.  
And so far it wasn’t turning out to be a successful trip.

“KAREN STOLE ALL THE TOILET PAPER” Romeo screeched, climbing through the barren metal shelves where the toilet paper should’ve been. Davey could only look in exasperation, awe, and horror.

“Looks like it’s time for plan b.” Crutchie chimed in, just as Henry came around the corner.

“But there’s no paper towels,” Henry said, pointing in the direction he had come from.  
“Uh, kleenex?” Crutchie questioned wearily.

Henry shook his head. “Nope.”

“Okay, plan d!” Race crowed.

“I know what you’re thinking, Race, and we’re not using coffee filters!” Hestia exclaimed, grabbing a bottle of sanitizer and hand soap. A look of relief colored Davey’s face, thank god she still had reasonable thinking. He only realized he said that out loud when Hestia gave him a narrowed-eyed, unamused look.

“Okay.” Race said plainly, clearly having another ridiculous idea.

“No cats either.” Hestia deadpanned, not even looking at him.

“Rude.” Race pouted, walking off to find his boyfriend.

Seconds after Race had disappeared, Mike and Ike came laughing maniacally into the aisle, their arms loaded with singular water bottles and a few jugs.

“I thought I told you- no you know what, it’s fine, just put them in the cart.”

“There weren’t any packs-” Ike started and let Mike continue.

“Cause this lady was piling them into her cart-” 

“So we just grabbed whatever we could find.” Ike finished explaining.

“In your face, Karen!” the twins exclaimed simultaneously with Romeo who was still sitting in the cart and was making a nest out of the abundance of water bottles around him.  
Davey thought about telling him to get out, but Kath nudged him with her elbow. “We’ll make Specs dig him out if he wants his boyfriend back.”

Davey contemplated this and in the end, decided he had enough shit to deal with and that Kath had a point.

And from there, things went from bad to worse. The shelves were ransacked and the only things left were the fat-free, sugar-free, whatever-free crap. The only thing well-stocked were the dang condiments. 

“What can we make with lasagna noodles, pickle relish, Spam, and grain?” Jojo asked, holding said items, then pointed at Henry. “Henry go.”

Said boy looked horrified and disgusted, but then began to try and think of what he could possibly make. “Umm, sushi with raw spam, steamed grain and pickle relish all in a lasagna noodle wrap, a questionable lasagna with ground spam and a side of relish and grain, or Chinese dumplings with the spam and relish inside with grain serving as rice.”

Several of those listening in, gagged, or nodded along in solemn agreement.

Sarah shuddered. “I think I’d eat our candles if it came down to it.”

Hestia nodded, crinkling her nose. “Same.”

Somewhere down the aisle, Albert and Race were looking at the different sauce bottles before a line of them caught Albert’s attention.

“What in the actual? Mayomust? Mayocue? Mayochup? Kranch?!” Albert named them all off in amusement while Race died of laughter in the background.

“These are abominations! Crimes against condiments!” Race yelled dramatically, pointing an accusing finger. Little did he know Hestia had begun to silently creep up behind them.

“Kranchman will devour your kneecaps!!” she shrieked, grabbing both of their shoulders.

Race’s scream probably could’ve been heard from the parking lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you've seen that one tik tok with the alternatives to toilet paper, you're awesome and for those who haven't I'm sorry i lost the link to it :'3  
> also the Heinz mixed sauces are something i refuse to try to if any of yall have tried, share your experience, i must know


	2. Shopping For The Apocalypse: Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a thrilling conclusion to the disastrous shopping trip our beloved newsboys have embarked on.  
> haha~ sike it's more crack

Shopping For The Apocalypse: Part Two 

Finally, an hour into the shopping trip, things had gone right for once. Sniper had stopped Smalls and Les from raiding the candy section and knocking over a display, thus they had gotten away with a bag of mixed candy for everyone to keep all the sugar gremlins happy. Spot somehow was keeping Race quiet… actually that was concerning, Spot had either killed him (or something saucy ;) or hopefully just taken him out for a cigarette break.

And then Jack came around and asked Davey where everyone was.

“I thought they were with you?” Jack and Davey asked in panic at the same time, pointing at each other like that spiderman meme.

Crutchie, Kath, and Sarah all looked at each other. Sarah spoke up. “So, we managed to lose about twenty people within five minutes?”

“Well fuck.” Crutchie deadpanned. “Better go page them over the loudspeaker.”

“Wait.” Kath cut in. “Where do you think in this entire store they could be, just think about it.” Crutchie, Sarah and Davey caught on right away, while Jack looked at Kath expectantly.

Kath raised an eyebrow at him. “I think the paint water is killing your brain cells. The toy section, you dumb boy!”

“Oooooh.”

Sure enough, they were all accounted for. Finch and Tommy Boy were playing around with foam swords and nunchucks and nerf guns, they were ambushed by Sniper and Smalls on those broomstick horses. Soon enough Jojo and Henry joined them by throwing colorful ping pong balls and stress balls.

Race had helped Les climb into the big bin with all the big bouncy beach balls then abandoned him to look at the hula hoops, then card packs and games with Spot. They were joined by Albert who drew their attention to the game Cards Against Humanity and other similar ones. 

Hestia had found the realistic animal figurines and was confusingly examining the dragons until Romeo came along well, he proceeded to hold up every dragon figurine trying to match it to Hestia. Settled with a Toothless toy and now was getting Hestia to match her expression to the toy he held up. Specs decided to just stay out of it and browse the figurines mindlessly, occasionally chipping in on the other two’s conversation.

Mike and Ike were in the aisle with all the little dollar knick-knacks like batons, slime, bouncy balls, and all sorts of other prank worthy things. 

Kid Blink (kid blush ;3 ) was blushing as he watched Mush coo over all the cute little baby toys and all the toys that looked like fun. Buttons was doing the same, but mostly looking at all the craft stuff, along with Elmer- there may or may not have been several instances where the former had to affirm to the latter that he could not eat glue. 

“Pleeease. My name’s on it.” Elmer begged, using puppy eyes.

Buttons refused to look at him and dare fall victim to his puppy eyes. “No, not even if your name is on it,” she said.

“But it’s my full name!” he insisted.

“Elmer, your last name is not Sagloo,” she remarked still browsing the crafts.

“Can I change it to that?” he asked with a tilt of his head.

No-! Actually, nevermind, go ahead, goofball.” she finally relented.

“Yaaaaaay!!”

In the end, having left Kath and Jack to babysit and keep everyone contained in the toy aisle, Davey and Sarah went off to find anything edible that was still left in the ransacked store.

It wasn’t much...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanna make a newsies playing cards against humanity chapter but I've like never played it, played it maybe once and i have no idea so if anyone has resources... pLeAsE O-O


	3. Water, Soap, and Bubbles, Uh Oh.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Le aftermath of part one and two of shopping for the apocalypse~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this one's really short, but after this, we get to some fun shenanigans~

Water, Soap, and Bubbles, Uh Oh.

#2 to successful self-isolation; wash your hands frequently and for at least 20 seconds with soap and warm water.

The one good thing about going shopping for about twenty children is that you can also make those twenty or so children help bring in the bags. Davey chose to handle the more breakable items such as the eggs and milk, himself considering other bags were being flung around like monkeys throwing dirt.

“Hey! Everyone go to the bathroom now and wash your hands! And I mean with soap and water, there’s a reason for the seven bottles of hand soap I bought!” Davey yelled over the rowdy crowd, seeing some people already trying to sneak off.

“Yes, mom~!” Romeo crowed followed by almost everyone else calling him some variation of mom, mother, etc. Davey merely sighed heavily and washed his hands in the kitchen sink.

“Moooom! The sink’s clogging and Race dumped in a bottle of soap!”

Little did Davey know, the bubbles had already infested and now covered the entire floor…


	4. Day One of Quarantine And Everyone’s a Cryptid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day one of quarantine, Romeo's just trying to film a tik tok and Al's a conspiracy theorist. Race is his assistant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so I don't want y'all to get confused and I have something to explain and i didn't wanna leave them in the middle fo the chapter soooo here they are.  
> (*Side Note #1: I say upside down cause she’s literally sitting on the damn ceiling, Hestia, my OC, is a dragon and thus she does weird-ass shit like sitting on the ceiling)  
> (*Side Note #2: Albert’s girlfriend in question, is LirealWrite’s OC that's in different rps we write and such and I just had to mention her and she probably won’t be seen unless Lireal wants to write her in at one point)

Day One of Quarantine And Everyone’s a Cryptid

#3 to successful self-isolation; Stay home for those who can’t.

“We’ve been in quarantine for so long, I think I’ve forgotten what the outside world looks like, will I ever regain the ability to communicate with humans ever again, will any of us ever feel the sun or will all that’s outside of these walls be an apocalyptic wasteland..?” Romeo whined in exaggeration to his phone, walking around the common room and dramatically draping himself over the furniture and the people sitting on the furniture

“Rome, it’s been one day.” Hestia deadpanned not looking up from her own phone

Romeo gasped, clutching his chest. “You Ruined My Vibes!”

Hestia gave him an upside-down shit-eating smirk. 

Crutchie looked up from watching Jack paint and his iPad which was playing vines compilations. “Why are you always on the ceiling?”

“Why are you always on the ground?” Hestia retorted.

“..Fair,” he answered, then went back to watching Jack paint and switched to Tik Tok. Though before that he nudged Albert and whispered to him, covertly pointing to Hestia. 

Said redhead gasped and took out a notebook and started a recording. “How Long Have You Known You Were A Cryptid?!”

Hestia stopped what she was doing and gave him the surprised-Pikachu face.

“I'm not the cryptid, that is,” she said pointing behind Albert, making the boy whip around, only to find nothing there.

“Wait, wha-” he cut off, turning back to Hestia. Or rather where Hestia was supposed to be, instead all that was left was an empty space.

“Oh. My. God. First, my girlfriend is a spirit and now Hestia’s a cryptid! Who else?!?!”Albert questioned, excitedly grabbing Race’s shoulder. 

Race gasped. “Everyone... Everyone’s a cryptid...” Race whispered with wide eyes, looking around erratically.

It was safe to say, Albert and Race spent the rest of the day conspiring about who was which kind of cryptid.


	5. Day Two of Quarantine; Hey, We’re The Newsies and You’re Watching The Disney Channel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Face it, we've all been tempted by the package deal of Hulu, Disney +, and Spotify Premium.  
> too bad I'm a broke bitch ;p  
> Anyways, now enjoy some heckin Disney karaoke by the newsies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're starting with the Frozen movies cause my baby sis has been watching that movie for the past two months and my sanity has suffered for it. (i was also unable to add in all the songs I wanted to without it seeming overboard so rip)

Day Two of Quarantine; Hey, We’re The Newsies and You’re Watching The Disney Channel

Day one of quarantine was relatively chill what with everyone browsing Youtube, Tik Tok, Netflix and Hulu, and other such things. It was the next day when someone came across a deal for Spotify Premium, Hulu, and Disney Plus that the fun, cozy Disney movie marathon turned into everyone screeching along to the songs of the movie and they started with Frozen, then Frozen two.

And that’s where things went from good to great.

The room was split into those who thought the first movie was better than the second and were strutting around the room screeching Let It Go. And the other half were the ones who thought the second movie was better and were shrieking Into The Unknown. All of that created a mashup song that sounded like raccoons fighting over a trash can. It went something like this...

_“The snow glows white on the mountain tonight. Not a footprint to be seen”_

_“I can hear you but I won't. Some look for trouble while others don't”_

_“A kingdom of isolation and it looks like I'm the queen.”_

_“There's a thousand reasons I should go about my day and ignore your whispers which I wish would go away, oh~”_

_“The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside.”_

_“You're not a voice, you're just a ringing in my ear.”_

_“Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I've tried.”_

_“And if I heard you, which I don't, I'm spoken for I fear.”_

_"Don't let them in, don't let them see! Be the good girl you always have to be!”_

_“Everyone I've ever loved is here within these walls, I'm sorry, secret siren, but I'm blocking out your calls!”_

_“Conceal, don't feel, don't let them knooow! Well, now they knooow!!”_

_“I've had my adventure, I don't need something new, I'm afraid of what I'm risking if I follow you!!”_

_“ **LET IT GOOOOO~!!!”**_

**_“INTO THE UNKNOOOOOOWN~!!!”_ **

And cue some people singing the siren chorus nicely and some screeching it like goats.

Elmer and Jojo started belting In Summer, joined by Les and quickly were met at full force with When I Am Older by Romeo, Mike, and Ike Then someone- ahem, Race and Romeo- kicked in with Shiny from Moana, which led to Smalls, Sniper, and Kath singing How Far I’ll go, then just about everyone, even including Spot, shouting the lyrics to You’re Welcome.

Somehow they then went from those kinds of songs to almost every romantic Disney song, featuring Crutchie and Jack serenading each other with Now I See The Light and Race singing Something There from Beauty and the Beast to Spot.

And by midnight they had spiraled from the newer trendier movies to the romantics, then the old classics and then back to the Frozen- Frozen 2 debate, but just singing every song in order. From everyone prancing around to Some Things Never Change and Hestia and Sarah singing a duet of Show Yourself.

And by one-thirty in the morning, Mother -Davey- had enough.

“Go To Bed!” he shouted over the DIY karaoke.

He, like all the boys and girls, had deep, deep bags under his eyes giving evidence to his exhaustion. Several complaints were shouted back at him that they weren’t tired. To that, Davey pointedly looked at the few people including Les, Romeo, Elmer, Henry, Buttons, and Hestia who were either knocked out cold or teetering on the edge of consciousness.

Honestly, the only one who was still going strong was local gambler gremlin, Race.

Although even Race, in the end, couldn’t deny the appeal of cuddling in bed with his boyfriend. Spot’s a soft boi on the inside.

The next day, no one was awake before noon.


	6. Day Three of Quarantine; Goddamn It, Race, Let Them Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> basically my other story A (Not-So) Silent Night, but in meme format and in present day :3

Day Three of Quarantine; Goddamn It, Race, Let Them Sleep

Newsies: _*sleeping peacefully*_

Nobody:

No One At All:

Race: _*enters obnoxiously blowing on a kazoo at full force*_

Race: **i aIn’T gOt nO sLeEp cAuSe oF yA’lL Ya’Ll nOt gOnNa gEt nO SlEeP CaUsE oF mE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, i had too, i came back to this work and saw that sitting there and i went 'yes, yes, this will do nicely'  
> better chapters to come, i promise and seriously! if any of yall have a chapter suggestion, comment it and I'll credit you~! :3


	7. Day Four of Quarantine, Part One; Hey Alexa, Can you get drunk from alcoholic cupcakes?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cupcake ideas with a side of 'fuck capitalism'

Day Four of Quarantine, Part One; Hey Alexa, Can you get drunk from alcoholic cupcakes? 

“I’m booooredd.” Smalls groaned leaning over Sniper’s lap.

“Oh really?” Sniper questioned with a smile, pecking Smalls on the forehead

“Get a room, God!” Race screeched, acting scandalized.

Sniper scoffed in amusement while Smalls yelled back, “Oh please, you're basically giving your boyfriend a lap dance.”

And she wasn’t necessarily wrong considering Race was straddling a bare-chested Spot while he scrolled through his phone, the latter keeping his one free hand cupped near Race’s hip.

Jack sighed dramatically. “What happened to just cuddling and sitting normally?”

“That’s overrated,” Crutchie answered, leaning his head onto Jack’s shoulder.

“It’s what we’re doing right now.”

“Shush.” and Jack did, but at the price of peppering Crutchie’s face with kisses, tickling him in the process.

During this, Hestia and Albert both sat near the window, both depressed considering neither one had their girlfriend. 

“Single pringle club?” Hestia questioned, holding up her fist.

“Single pringle club,” Albert said flatly, lamely fist-bumping her.

For a while they sat in silence, some chilling with reading material or with earbuds and some form of video entertainment. While some were just nowhere to be found and it was better left unquestioned.

“Rum Chata cupcakes?” Henry questioned aloud. “What  _ is  _ Rum Chata?”

“Yummy cinnamony vanilly rum,” Hestia answered, seemingly interested in what Henry had found. “It’s like a cappuccino but alcoholic. I have some if ya wanna try those.”

“Where did you get alcohol?” Specs asked suspiciously.

“I might’ve gypsied it from the store,” Hestia answered, feigning innocence.

“Doesn’t that mean you stole it?” Buttons asked, her eyebrow raised.

“Technicalities,” Hestia said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “Besides, I only stole from Walmart, not like I stole from a locally owned shop or something, it’s freakin’ Walmart, they make fuckin’ millions.”

“Crumble the capitalist economy!” Blink chanted. “Fuck capitalism! Fuck white supremacy!” 

“Yeah, we outnumber them!” Smalls added.

Sniper intervened before anyone could start standing on the tables and planning the revolution. Surely this year wouldn’t bring revolution, right? haha. “No rioting today.” 

Mush and Smalls let out sounds of disappointment with a resounding, “Booo!” 

Henry cut in. “We’re baking today instead!”

That turned the mood right around. 

“Yaaaaay!”

“Let’s do chocolate! Oh, devil’s food!” Elmer suggested happily.

Jojo snickered. “Devil’s food for the sinners.” he joked.

“Shaddup!” Finch retorted as Mush proceeded to hop on Blink’s back. “Vanilla is better!”

“Who uses vanilla, it’s yellow you want.” Romeo declared with certainty, Specs nodded his head bobbing like a bobblehead as he considered Romeo’s declaration.

“Why is yellow even a cake flavor? Elmer asked. “Like as a kid you never learned the flavor so it was always a color. But then you were told it had a name, so like what?”

Romeo shrugged. “I dunno.” 

“C’mon, we all know confetti is the superior flavor.” Race stated.

“You are such a child.” Spot insulted, with no real malice behind it.

“That’s not-” Spot cut off his stupid stupid boyfriend with a loving cuff to the head. Race merely giggled.

“Guys!” Jack finally exasperatedly shouted. “We’re making Rum Chata cupcakes! We literally discussed it five minutes ago!”

“Actually we discussed taking down white supremacy and capitalism five minutes ago and then we discussed cupcake flavors.” Smalls corrected.

While Jack gave her an unamused look, Sniper smirked. “Smartass.”

“Wait, can you get drunk off alcoholic cupcakes?”

“Maybe if you eat like three dozen.”

“That’s a possibility, not gonna lie.”

“Hey Alexa, can you get drunk off Rum Chata cupcakes?”

In the end, there was no for sure answer because of the various recipes and their steps, so they would just have to find out. And they would. But first, they had to get through the process of actually baking them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, with that whole revolution note, i would like to say, that i may be planning to do things like current events but I'm still at a relatively early part of the quarantine timeline, but am planning to possibly add in a chapter with the newsies being involved with the Black Lives Matter movement, I myself haven't been able to attend protests nor contribute any in financials, but if you're on Tumblr there is a post with several videos you can watch in order to support the BLM movement.  
> also, supporting POC-owned businesses will help~! ^-^ If i can I will re-edit this chapter once i find those posts or maybe someone will comment them, idk, whichever comes first.  
> Stay safe, and know you are loved and supported, even if you need a mental break from this, take care of yourselves~!


End file.
